Bitchy for Breakfast

Hey, Bae. Why you so extra, huh? You need a Snickers® or something?

I can’t. I literally canNOT. I’m a big girl. I believe in people eating whatever the fuck they want.

7-Layer chocolate cake? Do it.

Cauliflower? Do it.

Gluten free barley oat something or other that tastes like sandpaper? Do you, boo boo.


That’s why I don’t fuck with vegans.

I went on a date with a vegan once who pulled a bag of kettle corn out of the trash. When I said I couldn’t believe he was eating it, he told me he couldn’t believe I was eating a hot dog. Hmm. Food from the trash? Or a freshly cooked hotdog? I guess you could make the case they’re both garbage. But then he spent the next week trying to invite me over so he could cook everything vegan and convince me to join the dark side. Um, sorry hoe. I don’t negotiate with food terrorists. I’m anemic and I needs me my meat. When I want to be converted, I’LL let YOU know.

popo breakfastANYWAY. I bring this up because in North Wales, a police team was minding their own damn business having a team breakfast and they posted this pic. Now, I’m not a huge breakfast foodie, but I do enjoy myself some scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, biscuits, etc. Some of you probably like pancakes, oatmeal, waffles and jams. I don’t mind. Do you mind? So then why is this trick popping out the cuts with her nonsense!?

Speaking as a tax payer I’d prefer them to be less selective when answering questions and perhaps not post breakfast pics that offend vegetarian/vegan followers – pretty thoughtless considering the job title they have.

Oh okay. I see you, boo. First of all, that little ‘questions’ remark is outta left field and ain’t got shit to do with breakfast choices. Second of all, since when do we equate being a cop with protecting your food sensitivities? How about protecting communities and saving lives? Why is this shit so damn personal for you? Now if it had been a slaughtered cow, you mighta had a case. But we’re talking strictly PG. And if you don’t like what’s on the TV, you change the channel! You don’t call the network and demand they overhaul their programming.

You vegan, bae? Animals are friends, not food? Scroll on by, bitch! Nobody’s stopping you. Them IG food pics may be tired, but my first amendment rights say I can post pictures of whatever the fuck I like. “You can please some of the people all the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”

Today’s just not your day. Let it go, Bae.

The #PetulantPresident Strikes Again

Hey, Bae. Why you so unbelievable, huh? You need a Snickers® or something?

I don’t fuck with politics. I don’t have a political bone in my body. I can’t list all the past Presidents in order and the years they served. I can’t extrapolate on all the different branches of the government. Nor can I really explain to you our judicial system.

I do, however, fuck with priorities. So TELL ME WHY the FOTUS is planning on hosting an impromptu awards show that no one gives a shit about? Instead of trying to keep North Korea’s finger off the trigger, he’s STILL whining about Fake News. Here’s a headline for you Donny: NO ONE CARES.


Even if I’d never seen pictures of you holding your daughter the way men hold women they’re sexually involved with. Even if I’d never seen and heard video of you spewing sexist, mysogynistic rhetoric. EVEN if I hadn’t watched you talk the American People in circles during the election. ALL it would take was a cursory glance of your TWITTER account to know you are wholly unfit to be President of the United States. How we, as the American people, let ourselves end up in this particular pickle I will never understand.

But come on bruh. This ‘fake news’ bullshit has GoT to stop. Only children throw tantrums when they don’t like what others have to say. Especially if it’s true. I mean, I know you have tiny hands, but are you a child? You have to emotional maturity of what, a five year old?

If you won’t be honest with yourself, at least be honest with us. As the 45th President of the United States of America you owe it to us. AND GET THE FUCK OFF TWITTER. Just…Let it go, Bae.


Hey, Bae. Why you so ignorant, huh? You need a Snickers® or something?

You know what? Maybe I need the motherfucking Snickers®, ’cause I’m flabbergasted.

On Valentine’s Day of 2018, in Parkland, Florida, a young man shot up his school. Devastating. 17 people died, 17 more were injured. Devastating. First and foremost, no one is disputing that.

WE NEED GUN REFORM IN AMERICA. These babies that are having a bad day, or a rough life, or can’t get laid, or don’t like their mommy SHOULD NOT HAVE ACCESS TO FIREARMS. Don’t get me wrong. I believe in mental health. I know there are things we go through that we can’t handle alone, especially as we go through puberty. Hormones are raging, everything’s a big deal, and we don’t know which way is up.

walkupnotoutBut this. FUCKING THIS. Sometimes I can’t even, but right now I absolutely cannot even. #walkupnotout!?!?!?!? Are you seriously trying to make young boys and girls – all going through the same difficult period in their lives – responsible for one another’s mental health? Guess what, fucktard? There are people trained for that. They’re called psychologists, therapists, counselors, etc.

Do I think we should be nicer to our peers? YES. Do I think it’s going to happen because people are victim blaming? NO. First of all, manners, respect, common decency towards your fellow man – these teachings start at home. So instead of calling out students who’ve just survived a traumatic attack, or judging all students based on potential acts of unkindness, let’s remind parents and families to address these issues at home. Because guess what? Parents are afraid. They’re afraid of not having the perfect child, they’re afraid of not being seen as a perfect family. There is a culture of fear in America when it comes to honesty and meaningful conversation. And I don’t mean to say that’s the only cure, but I think it’s a good place to start. And no, my goal is not to place the blame on absentee, or mediocre parenting. There is no one place to lay blame. We call it a community for a reason.

HOWEVER. Asking students to walk up not out is like telling girls to stop wearing short skirts so they’ll stop getting raped, or telling Black people to stop wearing hoodies so they stop getting shot. Because guess what? A girl wearing sweatpants can be rufied and violated. A respected member of the Black community can still be pulled over and end up dead.

I’m not here to chime in on the guns kill people vs. people kill people debate. All I’m saying is access is too easy, abuse is too prevalent, and it’s fucking ridiculous for us to ask teenagers to take responsibility for their classmates’ mental health when they can barely see through their own emotional turmoil.

So until you set into motion changes that will drastically increase the safety of our future generations in an environment that should always be a safe space, I support all the walkouts. Let it go, Bae.

Bicyclists are the WORST

Hey, Bae. Why you a psychopath, huh? You need a Snickers® or something?

I don’t fuck with bicycles. When I was ten my bicycle and I got into a fight. By the end, one of us was on the ground hurt and in pain. It wasn’t the bike. I don’t fuck with bicyclists either. Majority tend to forget the rules of the road apply to them. But let’s be real, if your bike gets into a fight with my car cause your entitled ass didn’t want to stop at a stop sign, only one of us is gonna be sorry. Hint: it ain’t me.

bicyclistBut the real reason I don’t fuck with bicycles or bicyclists? They cray. Ah, Berlin. A city in a country I been dying to check out. Except some crazy ass motherfucker is over there gallivanting on his bike, throwing acid in ladies’ faces. I’m sorry, say wha??? You’ve gotta have some real serious issues, a real hatred for the female sex to ride around disfiguring strangers in your free time. There have been five confirmed cases, and they’re just now mentioning possible links between them. So either homie didn’t grow up with enough love in the home, or German women are over there just murdering male egos left and right.

Regardless, get your head shrunk, start kickboxing or take all the chill pills. Hoodoo voodoo, kick rocks or get the fuck out. But if you weren’t getting laid before, you certainly won’t be getting that punani now. Let it go, Bae.


Mayor de Blasio against The World

ed-mullinsHey Bae, why you profiling, huh? You need a snickers or something? Sergeants Benevolent Association president Ed Mullins: you’re a fucktard. Mayor de Blasio has been trying to hold it down for the people – all people – in NYC. Yes, he’s up for re-election this year, and sure he’s thinking about his constituents. But I have to give this dude some motherfucking props for standing up for what’s right.

#notmypresident Drumpf wants to build the Great Wall of America, ban people from traveling and deport residents based solely on their country of origin. Mullins is wholly on board, stating “we can’t ignore people who commit crimes, harbor them, because we want to get votes in an election year.” (amNEWYORK). UM, are you aware that being a criminal and being an immigrant are NOT one in the same? It’s like saying all black people are lazy , all asian people can’t drive, and all muslims are terrorists.

de Blasio – being the fucking BOSS that he is – responded with a promise to cooperate in cases with “proven public safety threats”. NYPD Commissioner James P. O’Neill backed him up stating “This department does not enforce administrative warrants issued by Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents or federal immigration judges solely in connection with civil immigration violations.” (amNEWYORK).

So boy BYE to all y’all jockstraps in favor of needlessly tearing apart families for no other reason than your misguided fear of strangers and overwhelming need to feel excessive security. Build enough walls between you and ‘them’, you wind up imprisoning yourself. Let it go, Bae.

Mentall Illness and the Death of Blacks

Hey, Bae. Why you in denial, huh? You need a snickers or something?

I’m tired. I’m tired of fucking people who say America’s ‘race problem’ doesn’t exist. I’m tired of my people being killed in group loads because of stupid ass supremacist and hateful ideologies. I’m tired of white people being arrested like this:

And black people being arrested like this (GRAPHIC):

I’m tired of mental illness as a motherfucking excuse for the death of black people, whether by the hands of an everyday citizen, at the hands of a cop, or by the victims’ own alleged suicide which happened under mysterious circumstances while in police custody. (Read up on Sandra Bland.)

Please understand: people can be mentally ill. People can be fucked the fuck up. But RACISM IS NOT A MENTAL ILLNESS. Author Julia Craven (@CurlyCrayy) totes it is a way to shield white offenders from having to account for their actions. If y’all read my post about the men’s rights movement you know I agree. It’s not a fucking excuse.

America, we need to do better at punishing those responsible, regardless of what position the offender holds in society. Black people are twice as likely to die at the hands of police while unarmed, and police have a 50% chance of walking away from the incident with little to no sanctions. That’s a motherfucking shame. Sorry Bae, can’t let this one go.



Hey, Bae. Why you so butthurt, huh? You need a snickers or something?

Dear white people, let’s clear the air: You’re racist.

“No I’m not!”

“How dare she!”

“That was uncalled for.”

“Why do they always have to play the race card?”

“God, everything is black and white with them.”


Are you finished? Good. Now we can talk. I’m sure every porcelain bone in your body is fighting what I said; Is working double time to convince you that you don’t have a single racist, prejudiced or discriminatory bone in your body. Unfortunately, they lyin’. The entire society of today was built on the backbone of slavery and continues to perpetuate a mentality of white privilege and superiority. For fuck’s sake, it was written into the motherfucking U.S. Constitution:

“Article I, Section. 2  
Representatives and direct Taxes shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective Numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole Number of free Persons, including those bound to Service for a Term of Years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three fifths of all other Persons.”

“Article I, Section. 9, clause 1.  
The Migration or Importation of such Persons as any of the States now existing shall think proper to admit, shall not be prohibited by the Congress prior to the Year one thousand eight hundred and eight, but a Tax or duty may be imposed on such Importation, not exceeding ten dollars for each Person.”

“Article IV, Section. 2.
No Person held to Service or Labour in one State, under the Laws thereof, escaping into another, shall, in Consequence of any Law or Regulation therein, be discharged from such Service or Labour, but shall be delivered up on Claim of the Party to whom such Service or Labour may be due.”

“Article V
…No Amendment which may be made prior to the Year One thousand eight hundred and eight shall in any Manner affect the first and fourth Clauses in the Ninth Section of the first Article.”

I know, I know.




You probably think PoC (people of color) walk around all day, looking for someone to call a racist. Reverse racism! We’re starting shit! Blah blah blah. The truth is, unless you’re one of those white people who has ZERO friends of color, you’ve offended a friend with some racist shit. And probably more than once. Your PoC friend was just too polite – or valued your relationship too much – to say anything. But the thing is, we make excuses for you ALL. THE. TIME.

“Well, they didn’t mean it.”

“It’s not their fault. They don’t know.”

“How could they understand when they’ve never lived it?”

But guess what? We’re in the motherfuckin’ 21st century, so get a fucking clue. As a member of the dominant population (and I use that term technically, not personally), you are the ONLY group of people that can walk away from racism and pretend it doesn’t exist. The rest of us live it EVERYDAY. It may not be overt, and we may not address it for the sake of sanity, and avoiding involuntary manslaughter. But when we do take the time to educate you, from a place of ‘that was racist’ as opposed to ‘you’re racist’…LISTEN.

There’s no such thing as ‘casual racism’. It is hurtful, demeaning and has lasting consequences for every PoC, no matter their social, economic or other status. If you really want to be #notracist, don’t invalidate PoC experiences by denying their validity. Have a conversation, learn something new, and spread the message next time a friend of yours fucks up. Because they will. But don’t look to us – survivors of decades of rape, murder and invalidation – for sympathy. You’re not the victim here. Let it go, Bae.