Bitchy for Breakfast

Hey, Bae. Why you so extra, huh? You need a Snickers® or something?

I can’t. I literally canNOT. I’m a big girl. I believe in people eating whatever the fuck they want.

7-Layer chocolate cake? Do it.

Cauliflower? Do it.

Gluten free barley oat something or other that tastes like sandpaper? Do you, boo boo.

But what I CANNOT stand, are the people who eat whatever they want AND THEN TRY AND MAKE PEOPLE EAT IT TOO, OR SHAME THOSE WHO DON’T EAT THE WAY THEY DO, OR CALL PEOPLE OUT IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM WITH NEGATIVITY.

That’s why I don’t fuck with vegans.

I went on a date with a vegan once who pulled a bag of kettle corn out of the trash. When I said I couldn’t believe he was eating it, he told me he couldn’t believe I was eating a hot dog. Hmm. Food from the trash? Or a freshly cooked hotdog? I guess you could make the case they’re both garbage. But then he spent the next week trying to invite me over so he could cook everything vegan and convince me to join the dark side. Um, sorry hoe. I don’t negotiate with food terrorists. I’m anemic and I needs me my meat. When I want to be converted, I’LL let YOU know.

popo breakfastANYWAY. I bring this up because in North Wales, a police team was minding their own damn business having a team breakfast and they posted this pic. Now, I’m not a huge breakfast foodie, but I do enjoy myself some scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, biscuits, etc. Some of you probably like pancakes, oatmeal, waffles and jams. I don’t mind. Do you mind? So then why is this trick popping out the cuts with her nonsense!?

Speaking as a tax payer I’d prefer them to be less selective when answering questions and perhaps not post breakfast pics that offend vegetarian/vegan followers – pretty thoughtless considering the job title they have.

Oh okay. I see you, boo. First of all, that little ‘questions’ remark is outta left field and ain’t got shit to do with breakfast choices. Second of all, since when do we equate being a cop with protecting your food sensitivities? How about protecting communities and saving lives? Why is this shit so damn personal for you? Now if it had been a slaughtered cow, you mighta had a case. But we’re talking strictly PG. And if you don’t like what’s on the TV, you change the channel! You don’t call the network and demand they overhaul their programming.

You vegan, bae? Animals are friends, not food? Scroll on by, bitch! Nobody’s stopping you. Them IG food pics may be tired, but my first amendment rights say I can post pictures of whatever the fuck I like. “You can please some of the people all the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”

Today’s just not your day. Let it go, Bae.

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