Paris RallyHey, Bae.  Why you hating, huh?  You need a snickers or something?  Let me start this off by saying I think I kinda fucking hate conservatives.  We are all entitled to our opinions and I will always fight for that to be the case.  But I’ve found some of the most ig’nant, intolerant shit coming outta their mouths and I’M DONE.

Exhibit A:

Where’s Obama? In our White House praying on his Muslim rug…. :\

Bitch please.  I get it.  50+ of the world leaders made their way to Paris to stand together and protest the horrible attacks.  Unfortunately, President Obama and his cohorts were noticeably missing.  An admittedly shitty move on his part.  Looks baaaaad.  Hard to show your support with a few words spouted off.  But let’s stop pretending you know what it takes to be the motherfucking president of the United States.  And let’s stop equating his ties to Muslim culture and heritage with the many extremist walking around with semi-automatics and hand grenades.  I mean, fuck.  You’re Christian.  Are you a murderous hoe killing Islamists who don’t want to convert?  Didn’t think so.  Though based on your post, might not be too far a stretch.  All I’m saying is, it’s bitches like you – loud-mouthed and stank – that be bringing my blood pressure up.  Ain’t nobody got time for that.  Let it go, Bae.


George Zimmerman. Arrested. AGAIN.

George ZimmermanHey, Bae.  Why you so violent, huh?  You need a snickers or something?  First and foremost, your punk ass killed Treyvon Martin so I ain’t even trying to give you no motherfucking spotlight.  But your stupid ass got arrested again!?  And this time for busting your bae up with a wine bottle!?  First of all, that bitch needs to leave you, cause this the second time you been called the cops on for domestic assault.  Why she still with you after the last time TWO YEARS AGO don’t make no kinda sense.  But for real though, you seeing an exorcist to manage that demon you got?  Cause you all kinds of messed up.  Why you gotta walk around so damn angry all the time?  Beating on people, standing your ground and shit.  Fuck that.  Sit your punk ass down.  Hitting women and shooting unarmed teenagers.  You think that shit makes you a man?  You the biggest chump I seen in the longest.  Whatever grind you on is some broke business and you need to jump that ship right quick.  People like you make me sick, walking around with a misguided sense of entitlement, thinking people need to roll out the red carpet for you.  You lucky nobody got a carpet with your name on it, shit you tryna pull.  Go to the gym and do some yoga.  Attend a motherfucking meditation retreat.  Do SOMETHING.  Find your fourth chakra and put some love in the world.  That anger gonna burn you up, taking bitches and babies down with you.  Let it go, Bae.


Ken MorleyHey, Bae.  Why you so grimy, huh?  You need a snickers or something?  I’m only gonna fuck witchu for a minute.  Ken Morley: your stupid, racist ass needs to GET. OUT. THAT. HOUSE.  Now I know you’re a white man in your 70s.  That’s why stupid bitches be fighting for you in the twitterverse:

“Lol. The SJWs are kicking off about because he said ‘negro’. He’s from a different time, be more tolerant, lefties.

And maybe you think being a celebrity gives you certain privileges.  Well I’m here to tell you: it don’t.  It’s motherfucking 2015 son.  You can’t go around spouting racist shit and NOT expect somebody to kick you in the fucking face.

“What I need to get the ovens going is a nice, big, fat negro! (laughing) Hey, looky here!” (mirror.co.uk)

What. The. Actual. Fuck.  You must be suffering from not-so-early onset alzheimer’s if you think it’s okay to call a Black man a negro AND ON NATIONAL PUBLIC TELEVISION.  And not only that, but then you try and ignore the brotha when he tell you you fucked up!?

Ken: “But the negro’s just Spanish for Black, isn’t it?”

Alexander: “…But you’re not Spanish.”

Ken: “I know, but that’s where it came from.”

Alexander: “But I’m giving you some information.  In case you didn’t know, it’s just Black, okay? We don’t use negro anymore.”

Ken: “Okay.  Do you know the old word for a Black child who’s very young? “

Alexander: “What?”

Ken: “Pica-ninny.”

Alexander: “Pica-ninny?  Well that’ll get ya’ ass kicked, too.”

C’mon Ken.  You KNOW you wrong.  We been fighting against this shit for 50+ motherfucking years.  And here your stupid ass is trying to drag us back into the dark ages!?  And where the fuck was Celebrity Big Brother’s oversight?  Y’all kicked out the man who grabbed a boob or some shit when he was drunk, but you let the racist, bigoted, sexist man continue to run the house?  Shame on you.  Get your shit together and kick him the fuck out.  The public knows wassup:

“So Ken’s allowed to racially abuse and call someone a ‘negro’ in the house & still be fine!? Kay den

is just a dirty, disgusting, racist, sexiest, pervy old man!!

“Ok so saying Negro on national TV is totally acceptable? What is going on in Big Brother?!

This is for you, @bbuk: Let him go, Bae.


PULITZERHey, Bae.  Why you so mad, huh?  You need a snickers or something?  We know, we know.  Lilly Pulitzer is THE brand to wear if you’re a young, female prephead.  You slaved away saving that $300 to buy that yellow, green, and pink shift dress when you should’ve been paying your college tuition.  And when you bought it, the feel of that high-class fabric sliding across your skin, screaming to the world you’re worth something.  And now poor Lilly’s legacy is going down the drain.  Why?  Because they’re doing a collab.  WITH TARGET.  Twitter exploded:

“Why on earth is @LillyPulitzer partnering with Target? Please, no. I don’t think that Lilly would approve of this.

?? Oh, no! From luxury to mass-market and soon to be bargain bin, there goes of my favorite brands

THIS.  IS.  BIG.  Lilly Pulitzer’s not just clothing, it’s a status symbol.  One in a long line made for people who don’t even need a fucking symbol in the first place.  But if they start selling her at Target, well, every Tom, Dick, and Harry’s basic, broke, bitch sister is gonna be able to wear her.  And we ALL know what that means:

“No target shouldn’t collaborate with Lilly just no ew ew ew keep Lilly Pulitzer classy people”

“I target but im confused why everyone is excited about the lilly thing. You realize that means every basic is going to wear it now right?”

“I don’t want basics to start wearing Lilly

“If Lily starts selling through Target I will stop buying. You are making a high class brand into white trash. @TargetStyle @LillyPulitzer

Somebody tell me something: when did classy stop meaning “having or reflecting high standards of personal behavior”; or “admirably skillful and graceful” (Merriam-Webster), and become “paying ridiculous amounts of money for clothing so I can look cuter than everybody else, then being ungracious about when they offer the same opportunity to others at a price they can comfortably afford”?  Cause if Miss Lilly herself designed her first dresses to hide some motherfucking juice stains, I bet you Target’s clientele is EXACTLY who she would want wearing it.  And if she’s rolling in her grave over anything, it’s all you bitches and your stinginess.  So sit down.  Your ugliness is showing.  And that’s classless to the max.  Just let it go, Bae.

“Have a blessed day”

Blessed“When someone that I have never met before tells me to “have a blessed day”, i grimace at the notion that they are pushing their religious agenda on me. Don’t even get me started on people who leave this as part of their voicemail messages “thank you for calling and have a blessed day!”  Am I being cranky?”

Hey, Bae.  Why you so cranky, huh?  You need a snickers or something?  Why you on one over people wishing you happiness?  Cause that’s all this is.  I mean, I know you’re non-practicing/non-religious/atheist/down with organized religion and shit, and I’m not saying organized religions haven’t been at the root of a lot of bad mojo in life since the beginning.  But can’t a bitch wish you a good day without you flipping your shit?  Cause on the real, nobody’s standing there with a clipboard saying “sign up to receive the goodness of the Lord at a neighborhood church near you”.  This ain’t about a grassroots campaign or recruitment conspiracy.  No one’s asking you to save your soul or someone else’s.  It’s about human kindness.  You could have a bad motherfucking day and it wouldn’t pay me no nevermind.  But I’m a cool cat and think people deserve to be happy, even if they are “someone that I have never met before”.  So take a chill pill and stop putting out such negative vibes.  Be blessed, happy, karmically positive or whatever you wanna call it.  And capitalize your ‘i’s’. You know better than that.  Let it go, Bae.