Hey, Bae. Why you so ignorant, huh? You need a Snickers® or something?

You know what? Maybe I need the motherfucking Snickers®, ’cause I’m flabbergasted.

On Valentine’s Day of 2018, in Parkland, Florida, a young man shot up his school. Devastating. 17 people died, 17 more were injured. Devastating. First and foremost, no one is disputing that.

WE NEED GUN REFORM IN AMERICA. These babies that are having a bad day, or a rough life, or can’t get laid, or don’t like their mommy SHOULD NOT HAVE ACCESS TO FIREARMS. Don’t get me wrong. I believe in mental health. I know there are things we go through that we can’t handle alone, especially as we go through puberty. Hormones are raging, everything’s a big deal, and we don’t know which way is up.

walkupnotoutBut this. FUCKING THIS. Sometimes I can’t even, but right now I absolutely cannot even. #walkupnotout!?!?!?!? Are you seriously trying to make young boys and girls – all going through the same difficult period in their lives – responsible for one another’s mental health? Guess what, fucktard? There are people trained for that. They’re called psychologists, therapists, counselors, etc.

Do I think we should be nicer to our peers? YES. Do I think it’s going to happen because people are victim blaming? NO. First of all, manners, respect, common decency towards your fellow man – these teachings start at home. So instead of calling out students who’ve just survived a traumatic attack, or judging all students based on potential acts of unkindness, let’s remind parents and families to address these issues at home. Because guess what? Parents are afraid. They’re afraid of not having the perfect child, they’re afraid of not being seen as a perfect family. There is a culture of fear in America when it comes to honesty and meaningful conversation. And I don’t mean to say that’s the only cure, but I think it’s a good place to start. And no, my goal is not to place the blame on absentee, or mediocre parenting. There is no one place to lay blame. We call it a community for a reason.

HOWEVER. Asking students to walk up not out is like telling girls to stop wearing short skirts so they’ll stop getting raped, or telling Black people to stop wearing hoodies so they stop getting shot. Because guess what? A girl wearing sweatpants can be rufied and violated. A respected member of the Black community can still be pulled over and end up dead.

I’m not here to chime in on the guns kill people vs. people kill people debate. All I’m saying is access is too easy, abuse is too prevalent, and it’s fucking ridiculous for us to ask teenagers to take responsibility for their classmates’ mental health when they can barely see through their own emotional turmoil.

So until you set into motion changes that will drastically increase the safety of our future generations in an environment that should always be a safe space, I support all the walkouts. Let it go, Bae.

Bitchy for Breakfast

Hey, Bae. Why you so extra, huh? You need a Snickers® or something?

I can’t. I literally canNOT. I’m a big girl. I believe in people eating whatever the fuck they want.

7-Layer chocolate cake? Do it.

Cauliflower? Do it.

Gluten free barley oat something or other that tastes like sandpaper? Do you, boo boo.


That’s why I don’t fuck with vegans.

I went on a date with a vegan once who pulled a bag of kettle corn out of the trash. When I said I couldn’t believe he was eating it, he told me he couldn’t believe I was eating a hot dog. Hmm. Food from the trash? Or a freshly cooked hotdog? I guess you could make the case they’re both garbage. But then he spent the next week trying to invite me over so he could cook everything vegan and convince me to join the dark side. Um, sorry hoe. I don’t negotiate with food terrorists. I’m anemic and I needs me my meat. When I want to be converted, I’LL let YOU know.

popo breakfastANYWAY. I bring this up because in North Wales, a police team was minding their own damn business having a team breakfast and they posted this pic. Now, I’m not a huge breakfast foodie, but I do enjoy myself some scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, biscuits, etc. Some of you probably like pancakes, oatmeal, waffles and jams. I don’t mind. Do you mind? So then why is this trick popping out the cuts with her nonsense!?

Speaking as a tax payer I’d prefer them to be less selective when answering questions and perhaps not post breakfast pics that offend vegetarian/vegan followers – pretty thoughtless considering the job title they have.

Oh okay. I see you, boo. First of all, that little ‘questions’ remark is outta left field and ain’t got shit to do with breakfast choices. Second of all, since when do we equate being a cop with protecting your food sensitivities? How about protecting communities and saving lives? Why is this shit so damn personal for you? Now if it had been a slaughtered cow, you mighta had a case. But we’re talking strictly PG. And if you don’t like what’s on the TV, you change the channel! You don’t call the network and demand they overhaul their programming.

You vegan, bae? Animals are friends, not food? Scroll on by, bitch! Nobody’s stopping you. Them IG food pics may be tired, but my first amendment rights say I can post pictures of whatever the fuck I like. “You can please some of the people all the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”

Today’s just not your day. Let it go, Bae.

The #PetulantPresident Strikes Again

Hey, Bae. Why you so unbelievable, huh? You need a Snickers® or something?

I don’t fuck with politics. I don’t have a political bone in my body. I can’t list all the past Presidents in order and the years they served. I can’t extrapolate on all the different branches of the government. Nor can I really explain to you our judicial system.

I do, however, fuck with priorities. So TELL ME WHY the FOTUS is planning on hosting an impromptu awards show that no one gives a shit about? Instead of trying to keep North Korea’s finger off the trigger, he’s STILL whining about Fake News. Here’s a headline for you Donny: NO ONE CARES.


Even if I’d never seen pictures of you holding your daughter the way men hold women they’re sexually involved with. Even if I’d never seen and heard video of you spewing sexist, mysogynistic rhetoric. EVEN if I hadn’t watched you talk the American People in circles during the election. ALL it would take was a cursory glance of your TWITTER account to know you are wholly unfit to be President of the United States. How we, as the American people, let ourselves end up in this particular pickle I will never understand.

But come on bruh. This ‘fake news’ bullshit has GoT to stop. Only children throw tantrums when they don’t like what others have to say. Especially if it’s true. I mean, I know you have tiny hands, but are you a child? You have to emotional maturity of what, a five year old?

If you won’t be honest with yourself, at least be honest with us. As the 45th President of the United States of America you owe it to us. AND GET THE FUCK OFF TWITTER. Just…Let it go, Bae.

Bicyclists are the WORST

Hey, Bae. Why you a psychopath, huh? You need a Snickers® or something?

I don’t fuck with bicycles. When I was ten my bicycle and I got into a fight. By the end, one of us was on the ground hurt and in pain. It wasn’t the bike. I don’t fuck with bicyclists either. Majority tend to forget the rules of the road apply to them. But let’s be real, if your bike gets into a fight with my car cause your entitled ass didn’t want to stop at a stop sign, only one of us is gonna be sorry. Hint: it ain’t me.

bicyclistBut the real reason I don’t fuck with bicycles or bicyclists? They cray. Ah, Berlin. A city in a country I been dying to check out. Except some crazy ass motherfucker is over there gallivanting on his bike, throwing acid in ladies’ faces. I’m sorry, say wha??? You’ve gotta have some real serious issues, a real hatred for the female sex to ride around disfiguring strangers in your free time. There have been five confirmed cases, and they’re just now mentioning possible links between them. So either homie didn’t grow up with enough love in the home, or German women are over there just murdering male egos left and right.

Regardless, get your head shrunk, start kickboxing or take all the chill pills. Hoodoo voodoo, kick rocks or get the fuck out. But if you weren’t getting laid before, you certainly won’t be getting that punani now. Let it go, Bae.



Hey, Bae.  Why you so stupid, huh?  You need a snickers or something?  Yeah, yeah, we know.  It’s a motherfucking free country and you’re gonna ‘do you, booboo’ all day every day: you want a hot handgun?  You gon’ get one.  You wanna try and sell that shit to an undercover cop?  You gon’ do that too, AND get your ass pinched.  That’s cool, Bae.  I ain’t mad atcha.  You ain’t hurting nobody but yourself.

But when you start fucking around with other people’s lives?  Like babies and shit?

Nah, bruh.  That shit don’t fly.  How’re your stupid asses gonna let a baby play with a gun!?  Handgun, pellet gun DON’T MATTER.  If that baby girl had pulled that trigger somebody woulda got hurt.  And considering you let her put that dirty ass weapon IN HER MOUTH, my bet is it would have been her.  Now I recognize all sides of the story seem to agree the magazine was out, but that’s one hell of a chance to take that there wasn’t a little surprise sitting up in the motherfucking chamber.  Regardless, I. AM. DONE. with dumb bitches leaving handguns, live or not, within arms reach of their babies or anyone else who’s liable to start pointing and pulling without knowing what the fuck they’re doing.  Veronica Rutledge, 29, is a prime example:

So y’all gun-happy motherfuckers can say whatever the fuck you want.  I will never be for the right to bear firearms when it’s too easy for ‘responsible gun owners’ to make such stupid ass mistakes.  Especially when that ‘responsible’ access heightens the likelihood of crazy, violent, criminal bitches getting their trigger finger on.  Y’all wanna see how many more unfortunate accidents we can rack up before you get a clue?  You don’t need guns anyway.  Stop killing animals.  What the fuck they ever do to you?  Shit.  Let it go, Bae.