Bitchy for Breakfast

Hey, Bae. Why you so extra, huh? You need a Snickers® or something?

I can’t. I literally canNOT. I’m a big girl. I believe in people eating whatever the fuck they want.

7-Layer chocolate cake? Do it.

Cauliflower? Do it.

Gluten free barley oat something or other that tastes like sandpaper? Do you, boo boo.


That’s why I don’t fuck with vegans.

I went on a date with a vegan once who pulled a bag of kettle corn out of the trash. When I said I couldn’t believe he was eating it, he told me he couldn’t believe I was eating a hot dog. Hmm. Food from the trash? Or a freshly cooked hotdog? I guess you could make the case they’re both garbage. But then he spent the next week trying to invite me over so he could cook everything vegan and convince me to join the dark side. Um, sorry hoe. I don’t negotiate with food terrorists. I’m anemic and I needs me my meat. When I want to be converted, I’LL let YOU know.

popo breakfastANYWAY. I bring this up because in North Wales, a police team was minding their own damn business having a team breakfast and they posted this pic. Now, I’m not a huge breakfast foodie, but I do enjoy myself some scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, biscuits, etc. Some of you probably like pancakes, oatmeal, waffles and jams. I don’t mind. Do you mind? So then why is this trick popping out the cuts with her nonsense!?

Speaking as a tax payer I’d prefer them to be less selective when answering questions and perhaps not post breakfast pics that offend vegetarian/vegan followers – pretty thoughtless considering the job title they have.

Oh okay. I see you, boo. First of all, that little ‘questions’ remark is outta left field and ain’t got shit to do with breakfast choices. Second of all, since when do we equate being a cop with protecting your food sensitivities? How about protecting communities and saving lives? Why is this shit so damn personal for you? Now if it had been a slaughtered cow, you mighta had a case. But we’re talking strictly PG. And if you don’t like what’s on the TV, you change the channel! You don’t call the network and demand they overhaul their programming.

You vegan, bae? Animals are friends, not food? Scroll on by, bitch! Nobody’s stopping you. Them IG food pics may be tired, but my first amendment rights say I can post pictures of whatever the fuck I like. “You can please some of the people all the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”

Today’s just not your day. Let it go, Bae.


Hey, Bae.  Why you so stupid, huh?  You need a snickers or something?  Yeah, yeah, we know.  It’s a motherfucking free country and you’re gonna ‘do you, booboo’ all day every day: you want a hot handgun?  You gon’ get one.  You wanna try and sell that shit to an undercover cop?  You gon’ do that too, AND get your ass pinched.  That’s cool, Bae.  I ain’t mad atcha.  You ain’t hurting nobody but yourself.

But when you start fucking around with other people’s lives?  Like babies and shit?

Nah, bruh.  That shit don’t fly.  How’re your stupid asses gonna let a baby play with a gun!?  Handgun, pellet gun DON’T MATTER.  If that baby girl had pulled that trigger somebody woulda got hurt.  And considering you let her put that dirty ass weapon IN HER MOUTH, my bet is it would have been her.  Now I recognize all sides of the story seem to agree the magazine was out, but that’s one hell of a chance to take that there wasn’t a little surprise sitting up in the motherfucking chamber.  Regardless, I. AM. DONE. with dumb bitches leaving handguns, live or not, within arms reach of their babies or anyone else who’s liable to start pointing and pulling without knowing what the fuck they’re doing.  Veronica Rutledge, 29, is a prime example:

So y’all gun-happy motherfuckers can say whatever the fuck you want.  I will never be for the right to bear firearms when it’s too easy for ‘responsible gun owners’ to make such stupid ass mistakes.  Especially when that ‘responsible’ access heightens the likelihood of crazy, violent, criminal bitches getting their trigger finger on.  Y’all wanna see how many more unfortunate accidents we can rack up before you get a clue?  You don’t need guns anyway.  Stop killing animals.  What the fuck they ever do to you?  Shit.  Let it go, Bae.

Family Feud: Mayor de Blasio vs. The NYPD

Hey, Bae.  Why you throwing a tantrum, huh?  You need a snickers or something?  GROW THE FUCK UP.

On Saturday, December 20, 2014, Ismaaiyl Brinsley executed two NYPD officers who were sitting in their car, before killing himself and after shooting his ex-girlfriend – who talked him OUT of suicide – in the stomach.

Clearly, this man was fucking CRAY, so I in no way support his actions.  And claiming he did it for Mike Brown and Eric Garner does little for the good fight most of us are fighting.  HOWEVER, I need the (selected) NYPD to get them motherfucking two-by-fours out their collective asses.

He could have killed police anywhere along the line in those 3 1/2 hours in any city in the country, but he chose New York,” Mullins said. “Why? Because the attention to the demonstrations and the lawlessness that was occurring enabled that type of an atmosphere.” – Sergeants Benevolent Association President Ed Mullins

Lemme get this straight.  You’re blaming the Mayor – who has supported the NYPD during his first year in office – for the execution of two officers by a man who should have long since been put in a fucking nut house?  Because he dared express concern on the heels of #MikeBrown and #EricGarner and support protesting for changes in tactics used when dealing with Black people?  Knowing that homie has a BLACK SON AND HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE SCARED!?  How the fuck are we supposed to sympathize with your stupid asses fighting for your ego, when the Mayor is fighting for his motherfucking son?

” ‘I think that Mayor de Blasio has to be more sensitive in terms of the words or statements he makes concerning the police.’ – Senate Majority Leader Dean Skelos

Skelos also rejected concerns that police tactics have unfairly targeted minorities.  ‘I personally don’t believe that,” Skelos said. “I think they do their job. I believe they are color blind when it comes to performing their duties.’ “

Of course you think they’re colorblind!  You’re an old, white man in a place of power.  You EPITOMIZE White Privilege.  It’s people like you that wrote the motherfucking handbook on racism, so that the legal definition would always fall in your favor.  It’s easy to claim the police are colorblind cause you don’t have to deal with their racist bullshit all day every day.  It’s not YOUR life you’re afraid for.  It’s not YOUR son, father, uncle, nephew getting shot.  Don’t fucking tell me they’re colorblind.  If they were, we’d be having a conversation.  Instead, the NYPD is rolling around on the ground, kicking and screaming.

Case in point.  This is 12-year-old Tamir Rice.  Tamir Rice had the unfortunate stupidity to walk around waving an airsoft, fake gun.  Some might say he was looking for trouble, and I might be inclined to agree as I can’t for the life of me understand what the fuck this kid was thinking.  That said, WATCH THE MOTHERFUCKING VIDEO.  Cops pull up right next to an ‘armed suspect’.  Since when is it proper police procedure to stand yourself directly at the opposite end of a gun?  Or not use your PA system to order the suspect to ‘drop their weapon and get down on the ground’?  Or call in some motherfucking backup?  Instead, three cops jump out the car and start shooting, no questions asked.  Legit 1.5 seconds from getting out the car, first bullet flies.  When the fuck did they have time to try and resolve shit peacefully?  Oh, that’s right.  THEY DIDN’T.  They hopped out the car slangin’.  Don’t believe me?  Watch the video.  I’ll wait.

This is why I cannot take the NYPD’s collective temper tantrum seriously.  Even NYPD Commissioner Bill Bratton recognizes they’re acting like punk ass babies:

“Deeply upset, Bratton lamented that the front pages of The Daily News and other newspapers “focused on them, the selfishness of that action, the selfishness of it.”

“The funeral is no place for that,” he said. “Come demonstrate outside City Hall. Come demonstrate outside police headquarters, but don’t put on your uniform and go to a funeral and engage in a political action.”

Bratton had explicitly asked officers not to engage in a repeat of the back-turning that hundreds of cops had done earlier earlier at the Ramos funeral. But hundreds defied Bratton anyway.”

Apparently, by turning their backs on the Mayor during the funeral, they also had to turn their backs on the family.  That these motherfuckers went to a funeral to pay respects for their fallen comrades, and managed to turn shit around and make it about their hurt pride surpasses all levels of selfishness.  And that they are willing to let this outburst influence their work ethic not only affects the Mayor, but the entire population of New York City.  Since when do officers protect their fucking ego over the lives of the citizens they swore an oath to protect?  Since when did this become an ‘us vs. them’ type of situation?

“The belief that the [police] department is never wrong, that it never needs redirection or reform, only reverence. This is the view peddled by union officials like Patrick Lynch, the president of the Patrolmen’s Benevolent Association — that cops are an ethically impeccable force with their own priorities and codes of behavior, accountable only to themselves, and whose reflexive defiance in the face of valid criticism is somehow normal.”

I can’t even.  None of you deserve to die.  But I would think, in light of recent events, you could better understand the fear minorities walk around with on the daily.  Only difference: they can’t walk around armed to the max, ready to protect themselves when motherfuckers come calling.  Y’all can do better, long as that pride doesn’t fuck up with situation.  Stop fighting to be the problem and become part of the solution.  Just let it go, Bae.




Paris RallyHey, Bae.  Why you hating, huh?  You need a snickers or something?  Let me start this off by saying I think I kinda fucking hate conservatives.  We are all entitled to our opinions and I will always fight for that to be the case.  But I’ve found some of the most ig’nant, intolerant shit coming outta their mouths and I’M DONE.

Exhibit A:

Where’s Obama? In our White House praying on his Muslim rug…. :\

Bitch please.  I get it.  50+ of the world leaders made their way to Paris to stand together and protest the horrible attacks.  Unfortunately, President Obama and his cohorts were noticeably missing.  An admittedly shitty move on his part.  Looks baaaaad.  Hard to show your support with a few words spouted off.  But let’s stop pretending you know what it takes to be the motherfucking president of the United States.  And let’s stop equating his ties to Muslim culture and heritage with the many extremist walking around with semi-automatics and hand grenades.  I mean, fuck.  You’re Christian.  Are you a murderous hoe killing Islamists who don’t want to convert?  Didn’t think so.  Though based on your post, might not be too far a stretch.  All I’m saying is, it’s bitches like you – loud-mouthed and stank – that be bringing my blood pressure up.  Ain’t nobody got time for that.  Let it go, Bae.